Looking Back and Looking Forward.

The Future of Tyson Elder's Web Presence.

I know it seems like an ominous title for a blog post, but it seems like the right thing to call it at this point. This feels like the first part of something bigger. We will see. 

I've been thinking a lot about the future, the past, and the present lately. Maybe that's why I've found it so hard to produce anything for the blog. I can't say that for certain. All I know is that I haven't “written” anything in weeks maybe even a month. Time flies when you are being self reflective and panicking about the uncertainty of the future.

I come home most nights with good intentions. I'm going to sit down at the computer, bang off some words, edit some photos, or work on my portfolio. Strangely those things rarely ever happen. Generally when I plop down in front of the computer I spend pointless hours scanning my tumblr dash, writing toots, and watch television shows I don't really care all that much for.

Why do I do it? I assume it has to do with the fact I don't want to actually do anything for myself. I don't want to make my life better or have something to be proud of. Or is it just laziness? It's probably a mixture of both. I think the idea behind it is that if I don't try I can't fail. It's kind of been my life's motto up until recently.

I've tried to make commitments before. Things like “I'm going to write 750 words a day” or “I'm going to post something on my blog at least three times a week.” Oddly I think it's okay not to fulfill my own goals when it comes to my writing. Because it's me setting the goals, and I'm not being told to do them. The same goes for working on my new photography website that was supposed to be done in March. It's easy to let it slid and never quite finish it when it's only you that's going to be disappointed.

Too often I look back at what I haven't accomplished, but had intentions of completing. If you know me you know I'm always working on a “project” that will never be completed. I want to change this. I want to finish at least one thing before I can move on to the next “project.”

So, what are my projects? This blog is one. I want to give it an overhaul. A new look, and edit some of the archives. There is some revisionist history going to be taking place over the next few months. When I look at things they are a disorganized mess. Things need to be straightened up.

My photography website is probably the biggest priority. It's actually 2/3 done. My problems at this point have to do with being bored with my design already and not being quite able to do what I want with squarespace. That has to do with my limited knowledge of building websites though.

After that there really isn't anything too serious left in Tyson Elder Enterprises to get done. Well, a small website directing you to all the places I can be found on the internet. There may also be a smallish project Kat and I have been talking about doing for a long time.

This wasn't going to be a post about me quitting the internet. Although the idea has come across my mind a few times. Not quitting, but starting fresh. In the meantime you can still find me in the normal places putting off things.

Can you start bugging me weekly to finish things?

Hipster Bingo

Today was one of those days where I spent money and released my inner hipster.

-Breakfast at Shine with my buddy Ryan.
-Coffee at Habit.
-Haircut at Victory Barber.
-Ordered the new Shins single from Ditch Records.
-Filled my Growlers at Phillips Brewery.

I'm everything I hate.

Without A Cause.

Taken with instagram

Writing something tonight could be too easy. 

Another batch of appointments with the doctor tomorrow. Doing well. Still in a fair amount of pain. Movement is limiting I can't exactly walk for that long without being in pain and needing to sit/curl up with an ice pack. 

I spent some money I really didn't need to spend the other day. Isn't that always the way? When you aren't working all you want to do is spend and spend. I was looking at fucking motorcycles the other day. Thanks for the well placed Triumph ad Wired magazine. 

God damn I want a motorcycle. I still need to learn how to properly ride. I've whipped around a dirt bike once or twice, but nothing serious. 

Nothing new to report. Just that I'm living the dream.  

Cracked.

“Hi! How are you?” 

It's not pretty and it's certainly not fun, but I'm okay. There are no pictures. I'm certainly not going to take one. I don't have an x-ray to wave about, and I don't have a cast.

What I do have is a crack through one of the bones in my foot. Making it extremely difficult for me to do any real moving along at a decent speed. There is a limp. I walk funny because I'm resting my wait on my big toe and my heel. Staying away from the “palm” of my foot. I've been bombing around on crutches from time to time. Icing in the meantime. As you can guess there are no painkillers. Also I'm not at work. 

I do have to say my friends have been super solid offering to pick up groceries, drive me around, and you know generally awesome. Kat wins friend of the year though for picking me up at the hospital in a deathtrap when I couldn't get a cab. 

All in all I'm doing well. Bored out of my fucking skull though. I think I've watched a series and a half of Doctor Who now. Yes, I'm watching that now. I'm into series 5 as I write this so shut up nerds. I watch all six episodes of Sherlock at 90 minutes a piece. I've also rewatched a few Sophia Coppola movies, a movie about Joy Division, a couple documentaries, and my regular weekly television digest. Too much British television maybe? 

I did a little bit of cleaning today. It's hard to be on my feet for too long though. So I gave up and finished Chris Hardwick's book. I listened to music, podcasts, and a bit of 'Life'. Can you tell I'm bored? I need to find something to fill my time that isn't television, video games, or movies. 

I've been writing a little. I keep getting distracted though. Looks like my allergies are acting up.  

Time to ice the foot. 

Snow Day (so far).

When I was looking out the window at 2AM this morning I had this thought in the back of my mind that crept through the next few hours of sleep. “Did I fuck up my karma somehow?”

Five and a half hours later I was clearing the half foot of snow off the truck in what felt like a blizzard (I'm getting soft in my old age). I put the truck into 4Low, and rolled up the driveway. Visibility was the shits but there was no one on the road. I took my time and made it to work. In a losing battle I shoveled snow for two hours only to watch steps behind me fill in.

I left. There was no point in us being there. The coffee shop was open, and I figured I would swing in to grab a coffee before going home. I got out of the truck, wiped the ice off the wipers, turned to start to the door, and just like that I was face down in the snow.

A path not cleared. I tripped over a curb. I sprung back up in shock, but more embarrassed. I come here everyday how did I not know the curb was there. Oh yeah, snow. I ordered a coffee and a sandwich to go, and sat down at a table. Only to realize that my right foot was now killing me. Every movement a sharp pain runs up my leg.

I shuffled down my driveway, stripped off my snow covered coveralls, boots, and jacket. I made my way to my bedroom to collapse in pain, embarrassment, and an oncoming wave of loneliness.

The snow, the country, and where I live are isolating. I lay here wondering to myself if I could get help if I actually needed it. It is the first time in a very long time I've felt vulnerable and alone where I live. Sometimes you just want someone to take care of you or drive you to the hospital. Sometimes you just want your parents to look after you.

Against my better judgment I'm not going to brave the roads to go to the hospital to get my foot looked after unless I really have to. When the snow stops falling and the roads are actually plowed. Until then I'm going to lay here alternating this cold pack on my foot, napping, and reading.

I'm an adult now?